Four Months of Awe and Wonder

I thought it might be good to capture some of the things I have experienced since converting that have produced a sense of mystery and also made me wonder if I am just living in some sort of dream or am just a magnet for coincidence. It had occurred to me that in order to better understand Christ Jesus that there were schools that offered Christian education programs at the undergrad and graduate level. So I checked in with Grand Canyon University (GCU) as I have known them to be very friendly with accepting credits from military experience and other schools, they offered Christian Degree programs, and my prior time and effort would not go to waste. After finding out how much tuition would cost I mostly put the idea on the backburner as I didn’t have an extra $30-$50k to spend on school. The enrolment councilor at GCU recommended that I contact the VA and see if I had any time left on my old Montgomery GI bill. I had been told several times when I was on active duty that I was not eligible for the Post 911 GI bill for some technicality or another. So I applied to see what I could get and the first letter that came back was a rejection letter telling me I was not eligible for the Montgomery GI bill any longer. I was dejected because I thought for sure I had at least a couple of months left. There was a second letter form the VA, I thought it might just be a duplicate, but I was wrong! It was letting me know that they determined that I was eligible for the (far superior) post 911 GI bill. So now I am in school again… And I am getting an A so far in my first class, which for those who know of my academic history in the past would also call that some sort of work of God. On another evening, I was outside with the dogs after the Aug dog was not interested in coming back in the house and it was a nice night, so I was sitting on the old bench by the pool. I started pouring my heart out to God, I don’t even remember all I had said but I closed with asking God to send me a helper. As the word “Helper” left my lips I saw a shooting star. Early on the morning Megumi and I were going to get baptized at the church we had been attending I was out in the yard picking up the dog waste as I do every morning and I started getting a light sprinkling of rain. I checked the weather app on the phone… 0% chance of rain in Yuma on that day. This morning after working out I looked over the morning devotional on the bible app and did the morning prayer, and on the last screen it said to hold out your hands in front of you with your pals open towards the sky and imagine God giving you something. After years of zen meditation I had no expectations. I practiced thinking non thinking in meditation for 20 years. But instead of nothing I imagined a shepherd’s staff in my hands. I do not know where this journey is taking me, or how well I will be able to document it. But I am trying to let the Holy spirit take the wheal in all things and it has been extraordinary. -YAWEH-NISS-

Coming out... As Christian.

A Letter I wrote to my Daughters on my recent conversion. Dear Daughters, I hope you get a chance to read this and take some time to reflect on it. I know my recent conversion to Christianity has got to come as a bit of a shock. No more to you than it has been to me I assure you. As you know my Zen practice has always had a driving principal of “Great Doubt” so converting to a religion that requires great faith seems like a stretch. But you can also be confidant that I did not come by this conversion easily nor without considerable investigation. This all started interesting enough, without the intention of conversion but [RDACTED] Well, you know me, before I jump in to a shark tank like that I want to be prepared. So I decided to start doing research. Bought a bible, started reading, got frustrated as stuff just didn’t like up with my own worldview. It was not going well. So after a quick internet search I got a free book from a guy named “Dwight Moody” about “How to Study the Bible” and something clicked. I was able to get into a disciplined reading regimen in the evenings, while listening to podcasts and asking open questions on a search engine about “What does the bible say about this?” and so on. I found out a lot of the stuff I was told, and subsequently had told others about Christianity just was not true and I that had not ever looked at Christianity as an honest broker without some preconceived bias. And if I passed that bias on to you that would be most regrettable. For this great failure of my own personal integrity I want to apologize to you. If I had put 10% of the effort that I had spent studying Zen on studying Christianity, I could have been so much a better father to you. So for that, I am greatly sorry. I should have given you girls a better chance to fight against worldliness by giving you a strong foundation in the Gospels. I don’t know if there is anything I can do as your father to make up for that failing. But I will prey that the Holy Spirit comes to you, and that you too can be saved. If you need help towards that end let me know. I’m happy to answer questions or just be an ear to listen. There is a link below to an audio book that was written by a guy who was also a sceptic, it’s long, and detailed, and gives a well-researched account for the reality of Christ that may be helpful if you are like me, not one to take things on faith so easily. As for me, I no longer have any doubts. Lee Strobel / The Case for Christ (Audio Book) - YouTube

Optical Delusions

Someone asked to hear my thoughts (thots, lol)on the evolution of the many optics that my 16" SR-15 has worn. Shortly prior to getting my SR-15 I had been competing a lot in 2-gun matches and had just completed a close combat carbine class with Independence Training and I was torn between lightweight builds and functional reticals. I had run an Aimpoint for the class on a lightweight Aero build that worked very well, but the usefulness of the EOTEC design fascinated me, so I picked one up as soon as I could.

It did not even spend enough time on the SR-15 to get a picture, so there it is on the LWRCA5 (The EOTEC is gone now, and the Ldub has a Halosun circledot reticle that has been flawless, amazing thing for a $200 dot) I found the EOTECH reticle way to distracting, not the design, but the graininess or fuzziness was really distracting for my astigmatism.  And I did not like the fact that it would shut off after 4 hours or its (relative to the Aimpoint) abysmal battery life.   

So, the Aimpoint came off the Aero build and went on the SR-15...

The problem with the Aimpoint, while lightweight and always on, was that my astigmatism made it really difficult for me to squeeze the inherent accuracy out of this carbine that I knew was there. 

So, I experimented a bit with a cheap PA mil dot scope to see if it would be worthwhile in pursuing the route of higher power optics... 

I found this to be pretty slow on this gun, again, this was my go too blaster at the time, and I needed something that I could use in multiple roles...  In comes the ELCAN...

I had had the ELCAN SPECTER DR on a lot of different guns, and it had impressed me with glass quality, but not weight or usefulness of the reticle.  But it was better than the other options I had at the time as it could be flipped to 1X and used effectively as a red dot, and not suffer from my astigmatimatic (did I make up a word?) eyes, or flipped to 4X and get some decent at least better than minute of bad guy type accuracy.  The BDC reticle on these is configured for 62grn M855 "Green Tip" firing out of a 14.5" barrel, so not ideal, but one could adjust to it...  The thing that was killing me most though, was the weight.  After running a lot of matches with a light-weigh build, the ELCAN seemed to add a ton of weigh to the rifle for very little benefit in the way of magnification....  So the hunt for a suitable replacement was underway, and I found the NX8 to be the best compact, lightweight, LPVO I could find, giving a more usable reticle than the ELCAN, twice the magnification, and a featherweigth coming in at 17 oz compared to the ELCANS 23oz (adding the Scalarworks mount it comes to 22oz, but ces't la vie) I saved an ounce and gained double the magnification range, And Nightfoce has a generous discount for vets, so I call that a win.

  

Shortly after that configuration, I started following Ash Hess.  If you don't know who that is, look him up.  Pretty cool guy who put a lot of effort into re-vamping the Army's marksmanship program, currently working in military sales for Knight's Armament, and running a side hustle called "Quantified Performance" that you can find on patreon here:https://www.patreon.com/QuantifiedPerformanceLLC

Well, Ash talks about something called the "Driveway Special."  A light weight compact, go to war gun that will last you throughout a war, zombie apocalypse,  alien invasion, global economic collapse, or what ever doom awaits us, or that you could hand down to your progeny. you can find details about the build here : What the hell is a driveway special but anyway I knew I had to have one, and that the NX8 was the right optic for the job...

 But then what goes on the 16"?

In comes another Nightforce...  So the Nigthforce discount goes a long way in making quality glass available to veterans, and following Ash Hess, I knew a 16" rifle could go out a lot farther then what I was getting out of it at the 2gun matches so I went big...  

Probably a little too big for this rifle, but I don't regret it because I got to learn the excellent Tremor3 and it is fantastic.   That glass made smacking a steel plate at 660 yards almost boringly easy.  But I feel like in order to stretch the legs of that glass, it needs something with a little more reach...  Unfortunately due to the gunpocolypse I'm not able to find exactly what I want right now, so that waits, but what did pop up as available after a long time of being unobtanium was the latest offering from Vortex, the Gen III Razor 1-10 MRAD   As of this post, I have it mounted, I'll be getting it out to the range tomorrow, and a range report will most likely be 140 characters or less, so my twitter feed @slowzen for that..  Until then, May you be well and happy~

From zen to guns 2020 March 09

I have not written anything in years. That is king of a good thing as most of my writing was a kind of catharsis trying to get over survivors guilt and damage inflicted from a life of abuse both self-inflicted and otherwise. Also I just felt like I had something to share in my journey of sitting with my legs twisted up into a pretzel. Nowadays I still sit, but it is more like brushing my teeth than anything special. What is “special” to me now is the AR-15 and AR-15 accessories. Which is kind of funny because when I was on active duty I was not particularly fond of the m-4 Carbine or the M-16A2 I learned on. The were mostly just extra weight I had to carry along on hikes until War kicked off. And when it did I realized how poorly trained with the thing I was despite being an “Expert Rifleman.” That badge don’t mean shit. After I retired, it felt weird for a while, not having to go to the armory once month to do preventive maintenance on my rifle. I wonder how many other vets get that? But I rectified the situation as soon as I could, about a year after I retired. I ended up taking out a loan to get what my research at the time told me was the best evolution of the AR-15 platform of the time. The DDM4V11. I still have it. I’m kicking myself over the purchase to this day. As they come, the DDM4V11 is a pretty rifle. I got mine in their Milspec+ color because they did not have them in FDE… I live in the desert so FDE makes sense here. If I were in Washington or Oregon, my rifles would be green. Why I fell out of love with the DDM4V11: 1. The hand guard, while more ergonomic than my old quad railed military M-4, is still not very comfortable. 2. The trigger. On a rifle that has an MSRP of $1,729.00 I would expect to see it come with a better trigger from the factory. That was the first thing I replaced. 3. Oversized gas port. In order to make their rifles more reliable when running out of spec ammunition (read: tula) the geniuses at DD were oversizing their gas ports. This ended up bringing the barrel on my rifle to what I can only call a premature death. I have had an extreme shift of POI to the point where my rear sight is now nearly flush with the right side of the housing. It cannot be adjusted any further to the right so it is time for a new barrel. Would I buy it again? In hindsight, no. But all things considered I could have done a lot worse as there are a lot of trash rifle manufacturers out there. However, a Sionics Patrol rifle or even a Colt 6940, or FN 15 would more than likely still be running at this time, while my DD is kind of out to pasture until I replace the upper.

President Trump 09 November 2016

I did not expect that.

The anger of the silent majority finally lashed out.

Anger at rising health care costs.

Anger at being talked down to.

Anger at the flat economy.

Anger at a different set of standards for the elites in power.

Anger about feeling anger all of the time.

Hillary declaring war on the NRA and 110 million gun owners put the nail in her coffin.

I see the progressive talking heads all saying it was a victory for racism and sexism.    That is a perfect example of the elitist looking down their nose at Joe Sixpack and exactly why Trump won.  America is sick of eating your elitist shit. 

And so the American people have elected a strong man to be their champion.

It is not really a time to celebrate, even for those of us who despised Hillary.  We have exchanged one existential threat to liberty for another.   

He is still a threat to the first amendment that protects free speech and religious liberty.

He also believes that you can have your gun rights taken away by virtue of a bureaucrat putting your name on a secret list without due process of law.

I have not seen anything that indicates he will undo the damage done to the 4^th amendment  by Bush and continued by Obama.

And I don’t see him being a champion of the 9^th 10^th amendments either.

So those of us who swore an oath to defend and protect the constitution still have our work cut out for us.   The good news is his picks for the supreme court may be sympathetic to the cause.

Final Thoughts on Election 2016 Before the Votes are Tallied.

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

― George Carlin

And they vote.

The worst part of this election cycle has got to be the fact that it has robed the legitimacy of our election system as two of the most hated people in America ended up being the leading candidates (Yes, there was a bit of fraud involved, but it turns out that not many voters cared about that) .  It doesn’t matter if more than half the country despises a person, they can still get elected to hold the highest office in the land.  This in itself is horrendous.  Because once elected, this person isn't president of the democrats or republicans, but the president of whole nation.  But due to the polarizing nature of these candidates, they will be president of a divided country. 

"A house divided against itself cannot stand."

- Abraham Lincoln

Of course Lincoln was talking about slavery, but when half the country is forced to live under the dictates of government they did not approve of, that seems to be a bit of slavery in and of it self. 

The premise of our republic system was to protect the rights of the minority believe it or not.  As we move down the road of collectivism, the individual (the smallest minority) is going to matter less and less. as the old logical Spock would say "The needs of the many out way the needs of the few."   Of course, Like Captain Kirk, I reject that notion. but maybe not for the same reasons. The needs of the one are just as import as every other individuals.  We are already seeing this get pushed into obscurity with the infringements on freedom of speech, the right to keep and bare arms, the right to be secure in ones home and their papers and so on. 

To those who voted for Johnson and Stein, I salute you.  You had the moral courage to vote for candidates who would likely govern for the people, instead of an oligarch who is controlled by foreign powers and has a trail of scandals going back to Watergate or the embodiment of vanity who campaigned on fear, exclusion, doom, and hate. 

In my imagined reality, people would never vote for their own destruction.  Tonight we will find out if America will choose doom by  pantsuit or spray tan.

That was zen, this is not.

Anyone who followed my old blog knows that it was primarily about my journey sitting crossed legged on a little round cushion,  This Blog will not be about that. 


When I was a young Marine I enjoyed reading things like the Guidebook for Marines, The Small Wars Manual, and the handbook for Marine NCO's.  So I think I may just rehash my thoughts on some of those and a few others I have come across over the years.  With maybe an occasional outburst regarding current events.


Yes, I still sit.  Yes I still do Yoga.  But there are more important things to talk about right now.