Four Months of Awe and Wonder

I thought it might be good to capture some of the things I have experienced since converting that have produced a sense of mystery and also made me wonder if I am just living in some sort of dream or am just a magnet for coincidence. It had occurred to me that in order to better understand Christ Jesus that there were schools that offered Christian education programs at the undergrad and graduate level. So I checked in with Grand Canyon University (GCU) as I have known them to be very friendly with accepting credits from military experience and other schools, they offered Christian Degree programs, and my prior time and effort would not go to waste. After finding out how much tuition would cost I mostly put the idea on the backburner as I didn’t have an extra $30-$50k to spend on school. The enrolment councilor at GCU recommended that I contact the VA and see if I had any time left on my old Montgomery GI bill. I had been told several times when I was on active duty that I was not eligible for the Post 911 GI bill for some technicality or another. So I applied to see what I could get and the first letter that came back was a rejection letter telling me I was not eligible for the Montgomery GI bill any longer. I was dejected because I thought for sure I had at least a couple of months left. There was a second letter form the VA, I thought it might just be a duplicate, but I was wrong! It was letting me know that they determined that I was eligible for the (far superior) post 911 GI bill. So now I am in school again… And I am getting an A so far in my first class, which for those who know of my academic history in the past would also call that some sort of work of God. On another evening, I was outside with the dogs after the Aug dog was not interested in coming back in the house and it was a nice night, so I was sitting on the old bench by the pool. I started pouring my heart out to God, I don’t even remember all I had said but I closed with asking God to send me a helper. As the word “Helper” left my lips I saw a shooting star. Early on the morning Megumi and I were going to get baptized at the church we had been attending I was out in the yard picking up the dog waste as I do every morning and I started getting a light sprinkling of rain. I checked the weather app on the phone… 0% chance of rain in Yuma on that day. This morning after working out I looked over the morning devotional on the bible app and did the morning prayer, and on the last screen it said to hold out your hands in front of you with your pals open towards the sky and imagine God giving you something. After years of zen meditation I had no expectations. I practiced thinking non thinking in meditation for 20 years. But instead of nothing I imagined a shepherd’s staff in my hands. I do not know where this journey is taking me, or how well I will be able to document it. But I am trying to let the Holy spirit take the wheal in all things and it has been extraordinary. -YAWEH-NISS-

Coming out... As Christian.

A Letter I wrote to my Daughters on my recent conversion. Dear Daughters, I hope you get a chance to read this and take some time to reflect on it. I know my recent conversion to Christianity has got to come as a bit of a shock. No more to you than it has been to me I assure you. As you know my Zen practice has always had a driving principal of “Great Doubt” so converting to a religion that requires great faith seems like a stretch. But you can also be confidant that I did not come by this conversion easily nor without considerable investigation. This all started interesting enough, without the intention of conversion but [RDACTED] Well, you know me, before I jump in to a shark tank like that I want to be prepared. So I decided to start doing research. Bought a bible, started reading, got frustrated as stuff just didn’t like up with my own worldview. It was not going well. So after a quick internet search I got a free book from a guy named “Dwight Moody” about “How to Study the Bible” and something clicked. I was able to get into a disciplined reading regimen in the evenings, while listening to podcasts and asking open questions on a search engine about “What does the bible say about this?” and so on. I found out a lot of the stuff I was told, and subsequently had told others about Christianity just was not true and I that had not ever looked at Christianity as an honest broker without some preconceived bias. And if I passed that bias on to you that would be most regrettable. For this great failure of my own personal integrity I want to apologize to you. If I had put 10% of the effort that I had spent studying Zen on studying Christianity, I could have been so much a better father to you. So for that, I am greatly sorry. I should have given you girls a better chance to fight against worldliness by giving you a strong foundation in the Gospels. I don’t know if there is anything I can do as your father to make up for that failing. But I will prey that the Holy Spirit comes to you, and that you too can be saved. If you need help towards that end let me know. I’m happy to answer questions or just be an ear to listen. There is a link below to an audio book that was written by a guy who was also a sceptic, it’s long, and detailed, and gives a well-researched account for the reality of Christ that may be helpful if you are like me, not one to take things on faith so easily. As for me, I no longer have any doubts. Lee Strobel / The Case for Christ (Audio Book) - YouTube